Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Nearly Lost It

Easter is a Christian holiday right? I swear last I checked it was. Night before Easter I decided it was probably time to buy the commercial stuff for the holiday. Baskets, goodies, overpriced toys that are already in my trash. The grocery store was packed, and people were angry and frantic. Not me. I was in my happy place. Grocery shopping alone is like therapy. I get to look at all the suckers shopping with their kids, as I nonchelantly buy whatever I really want in my own quiet world. I was slowly sauntering down an isle when I came to the end of the isle. I stepped just far enough to look both ways at the end of the row to avoid hitting anyone walking perpendicular to my isle. As I came to a stop a Large Bra-less Redneck about my age and her mother walked where I had just stopped short of. She gasped, clearly afraid my cart was about to hit her. (Glad I had stopped) I said, "Sorry", relieved that I had opted to stop and check out the traffic before proceeding. She replied "its fine", and continued on. Three steps later she said to her mother, "Stupid Bitch ought to watch where she's going". My sonar hearing caught each word and my heart and mind began to race....Can I take this chick? Is she packing heat? Would I go to jail if I punched her in her face? Why isn't she wearing a bra? How can she affort all that crap in her cart if she can't even buy a bra? Why didn't she say that to my face? Would my husband be proud or pissed if I called him from jail.....pissed. I swallowed my pride, counted to ten in my mind, and bought more easter crap. If I punched her I would end up back in court. The local Judge hates me and wanted to put me in Jail for running a red light (granted I had been laughing at all the drunks and druggies getting of scot free and she caught me smirking prior to my hearing). She gave me the most expensive ticket she could, and added fifty bucks for my attitude (thank heavens the DA had reduced the charges to the least charge possible). I left court, counted to ten and then laughed, and laughed and laughed. Who would have thought that a sober housewife would be so much more detestable than a room full of drunk drivers and criminals. Note to self, counting to ten and buying more crap works better than laughing at a defendent in court!