Friday, December 24, 2010

Pierced my nose re-post

I posted this right after my 30th birthday, but due to the negative comments about it I pulled it from my blog. I have made it less offensive and less dramatic to appease a few people, but I like the post and this is my effing blog and I can post whatever I want. So here it is...again


Yesterday was the day. The last three months have taken a major toll on my psyche. My new antidepressant is phenomenal at minimizing my anxiety and depression. Unfortunately I still have feelings and since I don't feel anxious or depressed I have created a fallback emotion. Rebellious. I am so tired of being what people expect me to be. I figured being a little obnoxious, caustic, cynical and foul-mouthed was rebellious enough for the past 30 years, but it's just not cutting the cheese anymore. I have experienced enough change in this past year that I have had to start from ground zero and figure out who I am. My parents divorced after 40 years of marriage, my only sister who i love with every fiber of my being moved to London for atleast 3 years; both of these devastating changes came right around the time of my 30th birthday.. So what do you do when your entire family as you know it collapses and you are depressed about turning 30? You pierce your nose duh! Not only do you pierce your nose, but you take every penny you have in your checking account and lose it all on a blackjack table at the local casino. While at that Blackjack table you break down and have a Bloody Mary. Then you drive home a couple drinks later, only to pass three separate cop cars and get pulled over for driving drunk. Hmmmmm, which is going to piss my husband off more...losing the money, piercing the nose, drinking, or the DWI. This is the part where I say screw it all and I hide in my jail cell until I am finally freed. I take a bus home (after charming the bus driver to drive me for free since I don't have a penny after losing it all to Jessica the luckiest damn dealer at the Turning Stone Casino). I get home, don't tell my husband about any of it, and take our Unregistered Honda Pilot to Canada where I hide until my mother tracks me down because my husband rats me out to her and knows she will lay the guilt on thick. I look at my gnarly guilt ridden face in the rear view mirror of my pilot and realize my life is truly jacked but damn my nose ring looks good. This is precisely how my night started last night. Fortunately for me when the Beer Wench at the Casino came along I said no to the Bloody Mary, because for me there is no such thing as one drink. Just like there is no such thing as one doughnut either. That one choice, the one to not drink erased the rest of the night I may have had. There was no DWI, no jail, no Canada. I made my fair share of mistakes last night however and it was a huge wakeup call. I realized I need to start anew. Turning 30 means I can't dink around and pity myself anymore, I spose I will have to be a grown up now. I am glad now that I didn't pierce my nose....but who really knows what tomorrow brings.

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